ADHDid, ADHDidn't

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

The constant blankness and staring into space on some days, having issues focusing in certain situations, finding myself pausing a particular task just to do something unrelated to the task I was doing, zoning out and letting my mind roam.

Taking hours to complete a seemingly daunting task only to realize that I could have finished it in ten minutes, solving my maths problems with longer methods because I just didn't understand the shorter methods, randomly wanting to just scream, run jump and use up all my adrenaline.

It felt eccentric, it felt different and I still think I am a gifted child.

The internet is a wild place. My TikTok fyp and ADHD  have been having a field day whenever I open up the app to watch videos. Everyone is mentioning certain character and personality traits I possess and labelling them as markers of ADHD. For the longest time, I couldn't place my hand on it but I knew somethings just didn't align; my thoughts were always louder at night. It's a disorder and my Christian side wants to scream; "I will trust in the report of the Lord always!" Because daughters of Zion don't have disorders or do they?

"I will trust in the report of the Lord always!"

I am lying if I told you I understand and it would be an excuse if I thought 'Oh that's why I did that' but that would be my valid excuse for most of the things I did whilst growing up and for the things I am doing as an adult. I keep taking online tests to be sure if this is something real, don't be surprised but these tests keep coming back as positive. I mean if I ever told my parents I think I have ADHD, it would be on sight! 12 hour night vigil trying to pray out every disorder from their only daughter's life, Oh chimmm! 

I'm not sad, I'm not unfazed, I'm just blank. Blank because at this age I can't believe I could be suffering from a disorder I didn't even know anything about until last year, blank because it's becoming more glaring that my attention span is in shambles, blank because I feel like I now know the reason why I am always fidgety even when I'm not supposed to be. It chokes but I'm not choking.

Someone that loves me would probably think in their mind "Is there any cure for all these?" And sadly I can't answer their question because I've not researched up to the point of finding if there's a cure because I am in fact still coming to terms of the probability and the possibility of me being an ADHD patient.

On the bright side! I get to have moments of hyper-concentration in which I hate being distracted from, isn't that nice? A clinical diagnosis would most likely put me out of my misery and tell me if I am really a patient but Nigeria happen and here are we with just deductions.

...and I still think I am a gifted child.

I guess that's it for now and I sincerely hope my TikTok algorithm takes a break from feeding me ADHD related content, I get it already. Thank you for being a safe space...always.

Love,

Adétọ́lá ❤️ 

P.S. 

My 30 days of September challenge, I went AWOL after 15 days. An excuse I would want to give is that there's no excuse. I know I am better and I want to keep being better so I'll just stick to shorter days when next I want to venture into a consistency challenge. Jaane🤝❤️