DEAR JOHN...

Dear John,

You weren't supposed to be the recipient of this letter but here we are. I loved, I didn't love and now I am loving. If I asked you if it's was right to be inconsistent in loving, would you give me the answer I want ? Or you would give me the answer I need? My confusion plagues me but I am not looking for random answers neither am I looking for straightforward answers. Anyways let sleeping dogs lie.

Life has been blue, black, red, yellow, grey, purple, pink, orange and green at different times.

Blue 🔵 for the days everything seemed clear, when I felt I knew what I was doing.

Black 🖤 for darkness, pure and thick darkness on days I couldn't decipher what life had in store for me.

Red ♥️ for the days I was vibrant and full of energy; for the days I felt I could take on anything.

Yellow 🟡 for days that happiness was on the high side and I laughed like I wouldn't laugh again.

Grey 👀 for the days I shed tears and wept like a child; for days when sorrow was really my bread.

Purple 🟣 for days I felt like a crowned princess and I was treated like I owned the world.

Pink 💖 for the days my feminism blossomed and shine brightly; days I wasn't labelled as a 'gangsta'.

Orange 🧡 for the days I couldn't explain my joy and I just radiated the incomprehensible joy.

Green 💚 for the days I was reminded of my fertility that I wasn't a barren land but a land with dark soil preparing for the seeds that would blossom on her.

John, I wouldn't ask you if you're fine because nonetheless you are fine or probably you'll be fine. Allow me this one time to be selfish and just tell you how I feel. I'm not sad or depressed but I think I need therapy; therapy for my self inflicted wounds and wounds I received from others. I sit down to think sometimes if I could really cause the undoing of a man but looking closely at this man, I realized that he was going to lead himself to his own downfall because a leopard can never wash off it's spots or can it? I sincerely hope this leopard turns to who can wash off his spots because God created everything and has the capacity to change anything. Phewww! That took a long time before it could come out. I thought I was going to point fingers at him and tell him he's the one destroying himself, that he should take responsibilities for his actions and stop blaming me...well I never did; cold feet and unforgiveness- a set that walk hand in hand.

John, let me move on because I wouldn't be caught dead dwelling on who I found out wasn't worth my time. I struggled a little too much, I fought and it felt like I wasn't winning my battle, I prayed, I hoped, I waited and now there's more than a silver lining; I can see the broad horizon, I just need to get to the other side of the river. Wish me Godspeed in my endeavors. I'm clinging unto God will everything in me because He's the only one I can run to and I sincerely hope I'm clinging to Him strongly.

I wish for a clearer world and happier moments. My confusion and anxiety just hold my hands on both sides but Hope sits on my head like a bejeweled crown- I'm glad for that. I don't have much to say but I hope my letter gets to you sooner than never. Thank you for listening to me John.

Till I write to you again,

Adétọ́lá♥️

Knock Knock!

I'm back and well and alive😊

I really did miss writing in this space

Grateful to God for bringing me thus far

Despite my on and off🥲

This was one of my drafts for my 30 days of September which I didn't complete, sadly🥺

Esty gave me this prompt and I suddenly realized that I didn't have a friend named John but this letter was addressed to 'John' which is you reading this.

Thank you for being my 'John'

The Musical Stories for this round

Kid Again by Jon Bellion😍

Aìlèyípadà by Sunmisola Agbebi-Okeleye

See you soon ♥️