LITTLE BODY BIG HEART 🤍

They call you cry baby.

But you don't fucking care.

- Melanie Martinez in CryBaby 

Sometimes I wonder...

Do people leave me because of me?

Do they leave me because of them?

Do they leave because of other people ?

Quite confusing if I must say.

Not every narrative has to begin with 'Once upon a time'. I know you'll ask who does that now like that's so outdated but it's safer for me to start my narrative with the old-fashioned opening line. 

Once upon a time in my life, I thought I wasn't perfect for the people around me not for any reason I just felt the people around me weren't always satisfied with my actions. I still wonder why I thought that in my earlier years, could it be that I wasn't satisfied with myself or I wasn't satisfied with the other people. I still don't know why but my circle of thought seemed perfect enough for me. 

Places, places, get in your places.

Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces.

Everyone thinks that we are perfect.

Please don't let them look through the curtains.

- Melanie Martinez in Dollhouse 

So after awhile I guess I started doing well for myself; I didn't really think about not being satisfied with myself or people not being satisfied with me. It happened suddenly! I realised that everyone thought I was a perfect fit for them. But I guess I wasn't perfect for me so instead of thinking about not being perfect for everyone I began thinking about not being perfect for myself. That's where the question of self love comes in.

Do I love myself? Or Do I love people's version me?

Two very confusing questions to ask yourself. 

Do they leave for every reason?

Do they leave for some reasons?

Or they leave for no reason at all?

I'm just a lil bit confused. 

Why do people leave me?

By the way this narrative isn't going to be as emotional as I presented it to be. Peace!

"Dediwura! You don't have to be too naive always.  This is the third time someone is playing on your emotional intelligence! How do you want to recover from this?" Fatimah was furious. "Its not the third time, its the seventh time" Diwura quietly spoke into the atmosphere. "You mean there are four more encounters I don't know about? How did you do it? Didn't you learn your lesson with Jimi in law school? Ìwọ ọmọ yìí! " her best friend's loud screams could easily be heard in the neighbourhood.  "Fatimah, rọra. People might hear you" Diwura's eyes pleaded with her friend.

Dediwura is someone you can call a soft hearted person. Basic qualities required in a soft hearted person; friendly, smiles a lot, caring ... just think about it bro, anything beautiful you could think of.

"Ọmọ, how I wan take tell Wura say I no dey do again?" Jimi asked his roommate and that was about two years ago. "I don't see any tangible reason why you want to break up with that nice girl" his roommate replied not lifting his head from his Criminal law textbook. "Guy! That's the point to break up with her with no tangible reason other than she's too nice for my liking" Jimi raised his eyebrows to prove his point to his roommate; he did that whenever he was getting engrossed in his discussions or arguments, he got his Moot court nickname 'The eyebrow lawyer ' from that action. 

"She's too nice for your liking?! Abeg give me a better excuse!" His roommate finally looked up from his textbook with a shocker.

"Oya! What about after Jimi? Akan didn't teach you a lesson? Ehhhnn sọ fún mi now?" Fatimah asked in her loudest voice. Don't be too confused we are back to the present 🙂.

"Akan's people wanted to use Saliu to do 404" Diwura laughed at that memory; Saliu was her Golden retriever. "That's not what I am saying! He was dating Gifty alongside! Ṣe o ti gbàgbé ni?" Fati wasn't ready to accept her friend's complacent attitude. "Ohhhhh, but then he was still a nice guy" "Nice guy kill you there! Abi thunder want to strike the nice guy in Akan níí? " Diwura's statement let all hell loose in Fatimah's brain.

"It's not what you think" Akan started with the obvious opening line, who told him She was thinking anything. Diwura had caught him having sex with Gifty just two months into their relationship! Kai! Men aren't scum but some are just trash. She had been calm about it. "If he comes for forgiveness I'll answer him" she told Fatimah the next day but Akan never asked for forgiveness. 

"Now you let a man who has been married for four years with two children play on your intelligence!" Fatimah's head was smoking hot. She had always been Diwura's cushion in this life of sin. "He said the woman wasn't his wife" Diwura was staring into space now. "Not his wife indeed. Shebi you saw their marriage certificate with your two eyes today now" the raging spirit in her wasn't calm yet but she lowered herself onto Diwura's bed. "Yes I did. Is it a crime to pour out your heart to everyone and everything?" Diwura's voice was cracked. "It's not" Fatimah replied just as the first drop of tears went to the ground.

Your heart's too big for your body 

It's why you won't fit inside

They're pouring out

Where everyone can see.

- Melanie Martinez in CryBaby. 

Musical story for the day; WYW By Show Dem Camp and Bellah.

😘