BLACK AND WHITE

Misunderstood? Well that's the best way I can describe myself in so many situations. 

"It can never be like that! You stilldon't understand after all my teachings?" 

"You're no longer a baby"

 "Grow up!" 

"You always say the most stupid things!"

 "You're the only daughter and you don't know how to cook? What a shame!" 

"I can't even be proud of you in every situation "

"You're just looking for what will make you angry" 

"Don't be such an idiot"

"You can't live under my roof looking like that! If you don't follow my doctrines then you're most likely a bastard!"

Many out of so many, maybe I've lost count or maybe I let it get to me more than once. They say the closest people to you hurt you the most, I say I totally agree. The travails are more than my spirit can handle in a lifetime. 

I try explaining why I want somethings for myself but I end up talking to a brick wall; sadness isn't always far fetched or is it?

The saddest times of my life were always brought to life by the ones closest to me and the ones I love the most; ironically I also play a big part in causing myself pain.

I'm not the best of persons but I silently hope that the people around me know when to stop and review how I feel; I would definitely be a minus 10 if I don't review how they feel too.

Everyone wants to be right, including me not minding who is hurt or who is disappointed. FYI; being disappointed in people around me is a daily occurrence for me and to them also I am a disappointment.

I think I try to be a better person for the people around me but nobody pays attention to my efforts, I'm always wrong and never right; I guess it comes with being the youngest child in your family too. 'You're young what do you know?' That thought runs through their minds like an unending virus in the bloodstream.

Let's not even remember those who definitely promise that you mean a lot to them; that's true, I definitely mean a lot to them; more than I can even imagine. Plot twist; they always have the greatest knack for letting you down. It breaks my heart when I give and I can't take, my life's principle is do unto others what you want them to do to you. I show you love and I also expect you to show me love but wouldn't that be asking for too much? Just because I am there for you doesn't give you an obligation to be there for me too. 'Hopefully I'm not contradicting myself' I worry about that all the time but then I realise that I am important too and have my thoughts to think, contradictory or not they are still my thoughts. The point is I want and desire what I give then I feel like nobody should be bound by my desires.

Then the aspect of cooking up excuses for your loved ones when they disappoint you or their actions unknowingly put you in a tight spot. Yes I said unknowingly, you might not know it's not on purpose unless they come clean. It's at this juncture, I conjure my excuses for them because they have every right to explain themselves but no right to throw me in pain or despair. The excuses I come up with just makes it easier to deal with the pain and disappointment, talk about putting myself first at the expense of my own tears. Cheers 🍻! 

This isn’t exactly a story and its not in any particular order, just some random thoughts. 

Love,

Adétólá ❤

P.S. even your coping mechanisms are despised by the people you love and cherish; they definitely love you and cherish you but not that part of you🙂